GTA: Wikiverse, No. 3 - Badlands

MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER FUCKING SIDE...

After the gangsters are somehow had to be fucking exiled into Purple County for no apparent reason whatsoever, the cultists decided to "celebrate" by dosing themselves a lot of speed, causing them to get extremely high in the progress.

Unknown #1: Heeeeeeeey, faggots, we finally did it, right?

Unknown #2: Yes, motherfucker, that will keep them at bay for a while.

Unknown #1: What were you saying, asshole? They're getting fucking banished into the middle of fucking nowhere, with all the other pure-ass gangs.

Unknown #3: Then why the fuck wouldn't we, like, fucking send them in the weeb-ass land of fantasy or some shit? Or just throw them on the top of Mount Ebott and see how will they get down?

Unknown #1: You fuckface, the leader of the fucking resistance has connections with the paranormal, if we sent them to those places we'll probably die off rather than occupy this city.

Unknown #2: Wait, what did you say, occupy this entire city?

Unknown #1: Yes, the experiment has gone fucking great lately, we got him into an influencial drug lord of LT and undercover unit of SWPD, total fucking amazing junkie. Apparently, I think we're going to give him a royal kush preserve from San Estrellas and expand our crime syndicate all over San Wikiversas.

Unknown #2: Wow, F, you're fucking awesome.

Unknown #3: Yeah, hopefully we'll rise above the others soon.

Unknown #2: ''Sumgamus! Accipiatur omnia nostra!''

Unknown #1: No, stop talking in shitty broken Latin, you suck.

Unknown #2: Just fucking die.

Unknown #1: Whatever, motherfucker, we're doing business.

Memez, after being exiled from Los Trollpastos due to their actions being exposed to The Corruption, just sat in his tower, not sure what the fuck to do in this shitty situation yet. However, something is clearly going to happen at this point, and it ain't fucking good. Worse thing, as he went paranoid, he started to really get into vaporwave, Bonesy is attempting to convince Midna to join in the resistance, Patrix90 is still being mysterious, and Memez's bitch Nue haven't came yet from the observation on LT and The Corruption's gang activities. However, he set up a meeting with Jack and he should be over here in any minute.

Jack: Hey, m8, open up!

Memez: What? I'm trying to get a fucking rest.

Jack proceed to open the door into Memez's big-ass tower, the hallway filled with nothing in particular but pictures depicting actual paranormal occurences, apparently as reminders for the GPE researchers to know what they're dealing with on a daily basis. However, there were nothing else of particular interest. Memez, after getting high on vaporwave, straightened himself up and went to meet with Jack.

Memez: Hey, dude. Shit's real fucked up, man.

Jack: So, OK, no more allies.

Memez: Yeah, I understand, man. Fucking Drake. I sent in my bitch to watch them in the ass, she should come back after a while.

Jack: So, what now? We need Bonesy to deal with this shit.

Memez: Well, I don't know where's he been. But, I think he's involved in an affairs with his bitch Midna, through, shit goes down pretty quick.

Jack: But, since I'm in this fucking county right now, they can't do anything to me, yet. Fucking junkies.

Memez: Yeah. Got any more on that?

Jack: Well, I had to just send text messages to those assholes about 24 hours straight, dude, just look at those.

Memez looked at the messages on his phone, apparently sent by numbers that somehow consists of four "4"'s on at least four spots. The messages were so shitty Memez promptly punched a wall.

Memez: Yeah, don't wanna see any more of that.

Jack: I think this will go for a damn while.

Memez: Yeah, dude. I'll report to you when there's any more information.

Jack: OK, continue on your business. Oh, and...

Memez: What is it?

Jack proceed to hand Memez a hi-tech black digital camera resembling a flat Sony Camera, but the lens are bordered with stripes of green and the camera's name is "Greenshot."

Jack: Greatest camera ever, it doesn't even use battery, just some paranormal shit man. Takes photos at million pixels or so, use it for taking proof of paranormal shit that you like to ramble about lately, it helps.

Memez: Thanks, I guess. whythefuckisthisshitgreen?

Jack: OK, see you soon... I guess.

Jack proceed to leave the tower in his Oceanic and then drove off, leaving Memez on his tower.

Memez: Goddamn it, now how the fuck am I going to paranormal research when I'm stuck in a crisis involving retarded gang bangers taking over the city!?

Memez proceed into his own quarters in his tower again just to listen to some more vaporwave to take off stress, not before checking some text message describing some shit. A hour after, however, Memez heard another car parking. Thinking it must be some kind of fuckhead Corruption OG sent to kill him, Memez grabbed his SMG and went to the front door. However, the one on the front door was actually Bonesy, who looked just tired as fuck after a cruise. Memez, for some reason, was delighted to see him.

Bonesy: Hey.

Memez: OH- Sup, I think you SHOULD know about that latest news.

Bonesy: What is it, dude?

Memez: So, yeah, Drake shook over us and snitched to The Corruption, as he doesn't know the rule of the streets. Somehow, the gang rose into power over the system. Then, we had to be in exile from the city as they establish a shitty military junta all over the city. They left us like shit, I guess.

Bonesy: Lol. How did you know all about that? We're getting into deep shit, man.

Memez: You know, Nue just scoped out those gang bangers lately. She said that they were conducting up a shithole of a syndicate with some other gangs from San Estrellas, which is why they got whole fucking power over Los Trollpastos. Yeah, serious shit indeed.

Bonesy: Nice. I think we'll take those motherfuckers down soon, huh?

Memez: Yeah. And oh, I got a new camera, specifically designed for proofing the paranormal. *shows Greenshot*

Bonesy: Oh, nice.

Memez: So yeah, I think we're in for some serious fucking business, right?

Bonesy: Yeah, full steam ahead, friend. We're gonna do it.

However, Memez got a phone call by an unknown number, which means that some mysterious shit is going to happen. Memez, since he is interested in the mysterious (like that guy Patrix90), decided to answer the call, hoping it wasn't by a fool from The Corruption attempting to tease him for no real reason whatsoever.

Memez: Hello, who is it?

Memez heard a familiar female voice coming from the other end, however it wasn't certainly Nue because it didn't sound like a bitch.

Mystery caller: You know me. This is a friend of yours, come over to the trailer in Butterlyn as soon as possible. We have a business.

Memez: Um, couldn't you just fucking, like, tell me now?

Mystery caller: No, head over there and you'll know.

The line promptly hung up.

Memez: Wow, what the fuck. Didn't even asked her which fucking trailer.

Bonesy: What?

Memez: Some bitch called, wanting us to do some business in a town called Butterlyn. I don't know about this, guess we might need to go.

Bonesy: Alrighty.

Memez: ...But first, let me pick up my bitches.

Bonesy: Goddamn it.

And so, they entered Bonesy's car (with all the pink spray somehow washed off), in which the radio was somehow automatically tuned to Dubstep Gutter, and proceed to pick up Nue at Las Paredes (AKA Wall of Text), which was also situated at the edge of Los Trollpastos. They proceed to quit out of the city to avoid Corruption attention, since gang bangers would fuck them over even with their presence in the city. Anyways, after they left the city, they proceed to blindly head to Butterlyn. However, they don't fucking know where it is. So, Memez asked.

Memez: Hey, any of you guys know where the fuck Butterlyn is?

Nue: Well, actually, it's in the desolate Bosque County, it's west of Purple County, but I'm not sure. Apparently, Butterlyn is literally the only goddamn town situated in the middle of that county.

Bonesy: Because of coruse your bitch knows everything.

Memez: Yeah.

Nue: Thanks for the compliment.

Bonesy: Don't mind it.

Memez proceed to head to the west, where the Bosque County is located.

Bonesy: Wow, as usual it gets pretty foggy around the countryside.

Memez: Lel, don't expect me to drive to carefully, I've played GTA before.

Nue: Memez, could you bother call Patty Ricks Ninety? I kinda want him to come with us.

Memez: You like mysterious people?

Nue: Nothing, but he could be involved with shady-ass deals, kinda fits.

Memez: OK, let's check on his ass anyways, see what he's fucking slacking on.

Memez promptly calls Patrix90, and it took some fucking time for him to pick up.

Memez: Dude, where are you?

Patrix90: Well, I'm stuck in a fancy-ass bedroom in Los Trollpastos with various pornographic pictures of Jeff Mangum and I don't know how the fuck I got there.

Memez went in slience in disbelief.

Memez: OK... Great detail. Apparently, someone wanted to set up us a business. When we finish with this shit, I'll meet with you at El Conocimiento. Okay?

Patrix90: OK, when I manage to get myself out of this shitty bedroom, the windows are fucking locked and tough, not to mention the doors too.

Memez: ...Goddamn it. Just... try to get out, okay?

Patrix90: Alright, I'll see what I can fucking use here. *hangs up*

Memez: Well, according from what he's said, he's... stuck in a bedroom in Los Trollpastos.

Bonesy: Yeah.

Memez: Nah, let's just wait until he can get out. For now, we're at the fucking bridge to the Bosque County.

Nue: Alright, dude, hope he's alright.

Memez: Yeah.

After a bit while, they proceed to Butterlyn, the town that is notorious for the production of butter since they fucking farm milk (hence the name). Bosque County is not a farm county, however, but apparently the nature is suitable for farm animals.

Memez: Holy fuck, the cheese here were good.

Bonesy: We could hunger for cheese later, you said that we had to find a trailer that someone is going to conduct a business with you inside?

Memez: Yeah, knew that. OK, should be somewhere here.

They proceed to park at the trailer park (no pun intended) and all three quit the car, looking for "the trailer."

Memez: A fucking trailer park, really?

Nue: Hey, is this it?

Nue pointed to a big trailer sprayed with various Japanese katakana and yin-yangs in red, which means that there must be something certainly strange going on there inside.

Bonesy: So more weebish stuff?

Nue stares at Bonesy in disbelief, two times harder when Memez heard that Patrix90 was in a bedroom full of pornographic Jeff Mangum pictures.

Memez: *Promptly pats Nue* Whatever, fuck that. It might be something.

Nue: Oh...

And so, Memez walked up to the door of the trailer and knocked on it about three times.

Male voice: Over here.

Memez: Who the fuck is this?

Male voice: Just come in.

Memez proceed to open the door, to find absolutely nothing inside other than a tough-looking dude in a dark blue suit on a chair holding a fucking M4 with a bodyguard holding two Micro UZI's and two other bitches, of whom are Kogasa and Asuka, the latter who is training some shit. The guy gestured Memez and his gangsters to come inside, so they did (obviously) and the guy greeted them.

Daiki: Ah, here you are. Memez, pleasure to meet you. I am Daiki, but most people call me Dai, through. I'm the leader of the exiled LT Yakuza, just like you and your guys. And this other guy is my bodyguard, Katsu, or Kat. Sit down there.

Memez: Oh, hai.

Kogasa: Hey, Memez, long time no see.

Daiki: She was the one who made the call since she said she trusts you, see if we can conduct a grand business.

Memez: OK, I got it. So, which kind of business you're going to conduct with me?

Daiki: Do you know any of these fine waifus I got there?

Bonesy: HA.

Nue: Yeah, go on.

Memez: I only know Kogasa, but the other bitch looks like a fucking ninja.

Asuka: My name is Asuka, and yes, I'm a shinobi at the Hanzo National Academy.

Daiki: Hm, well, I think that you're the perfect one to conduct a business with us. Aside from fucking up the ass out of those Corruption bakas, we can also steal a lot of fucking stuff and probably sell them, make a lot of money, all that.

Memez: Alright. Sounds great. What do your group deal with?

Daiki: Well, we deal with arms smuggling and robbery, trading weapons and shit from the US to Japan. Most assholes call us a division from Zaibatsu Corporation from "Anywhere City" since we're dangerous as shit, but we ain't that big and we don't make drugs, even through we have an occult division called the Gensokyan Yakuza that entire composes of Gensokyo insiders that like to steal from others in the village other than to make peace, real nice fuckers.

Memez: The Gensokyan Yakuza? I'm cool with that.

Bonesy: Especially considering that I'm not ever getting involved in any of Gensokyo bullshit.

Nue promptly got into a heated argument with Kogasa about the boys.

Memez: So, why did you hide in this trailer far from the town? Why couldn't you come to, my tower or some shit? Avoiding punk-ass 5.0?

Katsu: Exactly. Those bakas have been hunting for us for stealing trains, they ain't got shit on footrace, yet.

Katsu proceed to deal with some shit in the Deep Web, since apparently he is familiar with it.

Daiki: Oh, and plus, since your leader know about Gensokyo, I'd like to tell some... shady stuff about it.

Memez: Really? Tell me, I like shady-ass information.

Daiki: Did you know that Tewi is currently roaming around in Trollpastos some time after your exile?

Memez: Tewi? Lady Luck? Wow, didn't knew about that.

Bonesy: Well, do I know any of this occult stuff?

Daiki: Haha, I'm guessing you're bad luck, then. She didn't even be with us, what a fucking shame.

Memez: How did you know about that through?

Asuka: Last time trying to beat up the Corruption junkies, I saw her pillaging a home.

Memez: She did that, really?

Daiki: Well, aside from the claims from the newspaper that she, well, scammed a lot of people by attempting to have them donate to the shrine andIthinkyouknowaboutthosealready, she's also notorious for pillaging houses with a motherfucking minigun to steal money in case she got no more bitches to deal with. Poor bastards.

Memez: A minigun? Really? *shrugs* Could I call her Lady Luck anymore?

Daiki: Well, but if anyone actually donates to her, somehow you'll get a bit luckier. After that, I decided to go gamble on a blackjack over in Espiritus, and holy shit I've got a lot of fucking cash.

Memez: Well, I guess no one know about the actual purpose then.

Daiki: And I'm an outsider, just like you.

Bonesy: I'm probably more outside than any of you guys.

Memez: Heh, we'll be inside eventually. So, got any more to tell?

Daiki: Know about Taketori Monogatari?

Bonesy: Um, what the fuck does that mean?

Memez: Story of the Bamboo Cutter? Already read that, and I have to say it's paranormal as fuck. It's a popular Japanese story, after all. Less bullshit than those Buddhist stories and other Thai tales I've learned from my fucking school, through, full of paranormal crap.

Daiki: Really? I thought this story was more obscure, but fuck it, this story dates all the way to the Edo period, and I'm born in that period, when the event happened.

Memez: Wait, how the fuck did you live all the way from that period to present?

Daiki: My sister's a time traveller.

Bonesy: Prove it.

Memez: ...Yeah, go on.

Daiki: Wanna have me describe the story into an anecdote?

Memez: As I said. Everyone can know, anyway.

Daiki: Well, I'll tell the truth. So, there was this old guy who harvests bamboo, and that's literally his name translated from Japanese, "Takitori no Okina."

Bonesy: HA.

Nue: That's funny, human.

Daiki: Anyways, while he was walking through the forest, he noticed this shining stalk of bamboo. He promptly smashed it open at full speed without realizing what he's doing, really, and found a baby literally the size of his thumb.

Bonesy: Will I believe that?

Memez: That's paranormal shit, man. It's always inconsistent. justlikethosecorruptionmotherfuckers

Daiki: So, because he can somehow see her face, he found her to be beautiful and took her home, then he and his wife proceed to name her "Kaguya-hime." Funny thing? The full name is Nayotake-no-Kaguya-hime, which translates to... "princess of flexible bamboos scattering light."

Bonesy: Long name.

Daiki: So, after adopting her as their own child, from your own words, "paranormal shit" happens whenever he would cut a bamboo tree, then a nugget of gold would be found. This caused him to become very rich, lucky bastard.

Memez: Yeah, that's nice. Go on.

Daiki: So, Kaguya-hime soon grew into a woman somehow possessing paranormal shit beauty.

Memez: Um, just paranormal beauty.

Daiki: You know I'm Japanese. Anyways, since she's beautiful as fuck, this guy had to keep her from outsiders, but somehow ultimately failed and causes rumors about her beauty to spread, causing men to attempt to meet her but failed. And guess what? I was one of those bakas, too.

Memez: Really? I would believe that.

Daiki: Well, when I was a kid, in that era nothing were modern-ass like in this era so I would play around with bamboo horses, until when I heard about her, I completely gone full baka and attempted to seek her out, but my parents wouldn't let me go outside, and my sister always teased me about it.

Bonesy: Ha, age difference huh?

Daiki: Little more detail, my sister is, for some reason, named Ryujo, and she's a total bitch. She would always call me Kaguya's bitch and I'm always fucking infuriated by this.

Memez: OK, she sounds familiar. Back to the story?

Daiki: Oh yeah, anyways, there were five princes who came to the guy's house who asked to marry her even through they didn't seen her, so, the guy decided to tell her to choose one among them. She was reluctant about this, through. So, she decided to give them impossible-ass tasks to find an item for her to each of them.

Nue: What were the items?

Daiki: Well, the first one has to bring... literally fucking Buddha's stone bowl.

Memez: I wouldn't be that stupid to accept that task if I was that guy, honestly.

Daiki: The second one has to bring a... well, jeweled branch from the mountain of Hourai.

Bonesy: What the fuck is Hourai? And does even jeweled branches exist?

Daiki: The third one has to bring the hide of a fire rat from China.

Memez: Seriously, they believe fire rats exist?

Daiki: The fourth one has to bring a five-colored jewel from a dragon's head.

Nue: I'm certain dragons doesn't exist in Gensokyo, even if they're in the form of youkai bitches.

Daiki: The fifth one has to bring a cowrie shell laid by a swallow.

Bonesy: I don't know about this anymore.

Daiki: Yes, even our occult division confirmed that it was impossible for those items to be obtained manually. Anyways, since those guys are fucking stupid, they proceed to set off all once attempting to find these items, but ultimately failed. The first one just brought an expensive bowl, but she debunked it after noticing that the bowl didn't glow with holy light, causing his entire family to become embarassed.

Memez: Yeah.

Daiki: The other two also attempted to deceive her with fakes, but also failed, like seriously she's fucking pure as fuck.

Nue: I'm certain of that.

Daiki: The fourth gave up after he came across a storm, and the fifth died while trying to shove his head through a shallow's ass.

Memez: ...Fuckers.

Daiki: Anyways, after this, the Emperor of Japan decided to think it would be a good idea to meet her and request that she come to his court. However, she refused, because... she said she would die if taken there.

Nue: Yeah.

Daiki: However, he didn't gave up and decided to organize a hunting trip near her home, and promptly slip from it to her house, and he was like "holy god she's so fucking beautiful like the rumors" and all that.

Bonesy: I'm actually baffled by that this Emperor is smart enough to do that.

Daiki: So, after falling in love, he attempted to ask her to marry him. She just simply refused and tell him that she was not of his country. However, they wrote to each other for like lots of years. And I was still an idiot knowing no ways to meet with her, really.

Memez: I know, go on.

Daiki: So, on a new year, she proceed to spend entire fucking nights staring at the moon. So, her adoptive parents asked her what is wrong, but she was unable to answer, because, well, it's a fucking mystery.

Memez: Ask my vaporwave-obsessed friend.

Daiki: Excuse me, don't know about vaporwave.

Memez: OK, go on then.

Daiki: So, after some time, she was found on the veranda weeping bitterly, and when they asked her what the fuck is going on, she revealed that...

Bonesy: Explain.

Daiki: That she was a Lunarian.

Bonesy: Yeah.

Daiki: Obviously, she's a person of the moon. Pure paranormal shit. Apparently, she said that it's the time that she had to return, which is the 15th of... whatever month, I fucking forgot it. They're going to send some asshole emissaries to get her.

Memez: So what was you?

Daiki: Miserable.

Memez: ...Go on.

Daiki: So, the guy decided to contact the fucking emperor, and asked that the 15th he will send fucking men to defend her from the emissaries of the moon country. One of those men including my Pops, too. Too bad he doesn't know about paranormal shit like those guys.

Bonesy: So what did you do?

Daiki: Well, so when the day came, my Pops was getting his bow and arrows ready, so I asked where he was going. He said he's going to attempt to defend the hood from the emissaries of the moon. Apparently, he's still drunk as he always is, but wasn't enough to let him down.

Memez: Did you go too?

Daiki: Yeah, he asked if I wanted to go then go on. So, I went with him, leaving my sister and Moms behind and holy fuck there were thousand nine hundred ninety men.

Memez and everyone else promptly fall on the ground.

Memez: ..Yeah, yeah, go on.

Daiki: So, I and the men came over to her house to protect "the hood" from the moon emissaries. Kaguya-hime was put in a locked cabinet while this guy is standing in front, and his wife inside while her arms wrapped around Kaguya-hime.

Memez: OK, what's next?

Daiki: So, at midnight, we saw those fucking emissaries literally riding clouds from the sky, and holy fuck they're fucking beautiful. Somehow, they were so beautiful that every men in the scene, including Pops, to drop their bows. Like fucking seriously.

Bonesy: ...Totally, right?

Daiki: Cannot remember the image, it's long ago. So, they demanded Kaguya-hime to come out. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to catch a glimpse of her, so I told Pops to lift me up whenever she comes out. The cabinet door somehow unlocked because of paranormal shit and she came out. Pops lifted me out to see and holy fuck she's beautiful as the tales said. I fell off my ass in pure shock.

Everyone promptly fall on the ground, again.

Bonesy: Well, that was expected.

Nue: This story is going good so far, through. Hilarious as fuck.

Daiki: Anyways, I witnessed this fucking scene that was going on as the assholes proceed to tell her to drink the, well, medicine of immortality, then put on her paranormal ass feather robe.

Memez: OK, you got that term right.

Nue: Any more on the medicine of immortality?

Daiki: Well, our occult division, as always, did some research on it and found out it was an illegal drug of the moon, whoever drinks it get sentenced to prison. Apparently, this shit is rare as fuck, we haven't been able to found one. If you ask me, they're attempting to manipulate people on this planet using this medicine.

Bonesy: ...Bastards. Back to the story.

Daiki: So, she had to just write letters of apology to her foster parents and the emperor as well, and gave her own robe to her parents as a memento. After this, she drank a bit of the medicine and promptly attached it to her letter to her Emperor as well. She then wore the feather robe. She promptly fucking forget about everything of people on this planet, ever. Then, she went into the sky with a flying carriage and that was the end of that.

Memez: Yeah, it always end at that.

Daiki: So, after this, the parents become sad as fuck and they promptly were put to bed sick. Poor bastards tho.

Memez: Luck is also inconsistent, just like the fucking paranormal.

Daiki: So, after the emperor got the letter, he was sad as fuck. However, he decided to not drink it and instead command a squad to throw the fucking medicine to a volcano most closest to Heaven, and that was the end of Pops.

Bonesy: Explain.

Daiki: Well, the mountain is Mount Fuji. You know, it isn't even active those years. Apparently, Pops lead the squad through the moutain in an attempt to burn this medicine. However, the entire squad was found dead on the peak of the volcano by unknown causes. Yes, including Pops, too.

Bonesy: ...Well that's sad.

Daiki: His remains were collected and sent to my family, and we had to cremate them. You're right, the paranormal is fucking inconsistent, man, it makes me want to do this.

Memez: So, you're telling the entire story because this made you led the Yakuza?

Daiki: Yeah, why not?

Memez: Then how the fuck did you survive all the way to this period when you should be dead already?

Daiki: As I said, my sister is a time traveller. It's not a paranormal ability, through, that would make the entire story sound like shit. Apparently, after we were teens, trying to forget what fucking happened to us. After that I'd be good at English now, even through I'd never go to school. Then, my sister said she discovered something in the yards. We checked out, and... holy fuck. In that period we cannot describe what it was, all I know that it's a fucking time machine.

Bonesy: Really?

Daiki: Yeah, so my sister messed around with it. However, it didn't went exactly that good.

Memez: Um, why?

Daiki: Because we fucking went to this era. Holy fuck, why the fuck is this world doing this to me? Moms had to rent a home in Merrimore up in Purple County, while I and my sister moved to Trollpastos, trying to cope with the technology there, and trust me, it wasn't exactly good.

Memez: Because of those Corruption gang bangers?

Daiki: Yeah. Those nebulous-minded fuckers come over to my poor-ass house, robbed all the stuff in it, all while shouting 'memes' in the progress. They also fucking kidnapped my sister, had no idea where she's been now, but I'm sure this will go bad. So, I decided to go in hiding just to collect some more Japanese criminals trying to make a name for themselves and then founded the Yakuza to fight the hell out off the Corruption motherfuckers.

Bonesy: But, you've got no business partners?

Daiki: Yeah, that's why we've chosen you.

Memez: Well, indeed, reality is an asshole. So, we must fuck it up beyond belief using any ways possible. We're going to offically conduct this fucking business, eradicate all of those junkies from Trollpastos.

Bonesy: Yes, that will do.

Everyone else in the trailer proceed to cheer at the desicion, and Daiki just nodded.

Daiki: So, since you agreed to do a business with us, you must show us your worth.

Memez: So, a mission?

Daiki: Yeah, you know. Don't worry, it ain't hard. So, we've heard that some Corruption assholes are dealing drugs with some gangs from San Estrellas, shit goes real bad. I think they're on a Freight, heading out of the Maquinas Train Station (AKA Computers and Internet). Apparently, we also got reports of some neo-nazi motherfuckers boarded on the train too, need to beware.

Bonesy: Neo-Nazis? Seems like a great time.

Memez: So, we have to raid the train and strip it?

Daiki: Exactly.

Some time after, Katsu got a phone call, so he answered it.

Katsu: Um, hello? Oh yeah, what is it? Wait, the train is about to leave in three? Fuck. Okay, we're gonna send in some guys to deal with this. *hangs up* Boss, the train is going to leave in 3:00 AM.

Daiki: Well, fuck that. We're going to raid the train. Are you guys ready?

Memez: Sure, but need instructions. Might get dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

Bonesy: HA.

Daiki: So, basically, I need you to do a drive-by across the Freight before they go to San Estrellas. At least three cars will work, destroy all drugs if you can. I think you guys will need some SMGs just to be safe.

Daiki gave Bonesy and Nue SMGs with a fine amount of bullets but Memez because he already had one.

Daiki: Now that we're ready to cap some assholes, it's the time to cruise. I'll call some other two cars with our members for you to get in.

Bonesy: OK, let's go then!

Kogasa: Good luck.

Bonesy, Nue, Memez, Daiki and Katsu (leaving Kogasa and Asuka inside in the progress but they probably don't fucking care) went out of the trailer as Daiki called other two Yakuza members to come in their own cars and they did. Two Yakuza Stingers arrived in front of the trailer, and Bonesy and Nue proceed to enter each one, while Memez, Daiki and Katsu entered the nearby parked Oceanic and proceed to the train tracks, with Daiki as the driver because GTA logic, and Daiki led the others to the train tracks. Memez, Bonesy and Nue changed the radio station of their respective cars into Infernus Records, Dubstep Gutter and Kakashi Spirit Talk Radio respectively.

Memez: So, we have to really drive to the train tracks?

Katsu: Yes. As said, they're delivering strong drugs from Los Trollpastos to San Estrellas some time after their uprising. As per se it's pretty illegal even for a crime like this. So, we had to shoot them down to avoid further influences in San Estrellas.

Memez: It's good anyways, I don't want to see those junkies infect other cities.

Katsu: Exactly. All of the drugs also needs to be burnt to avoid police attention, even if we're in the countryside.

MEANWHILE, ON ANOTHER SIDE...

Bonesy: Hey, you really asscoiated with us now?

Yakuza member: Yes, I'll give you a fair share. Nice radio station choice tho.

MEANWHILE, ON ANOTHER ANOTHER SIDE...

KSTR: This just in, San Wikiversas Talk Radio, The street wars between gangs of The Corruption and the Los Trollpastos Yakuza hoodlums came to a head recently when a member of The Corruption snitched about the anti-gang actions of Godofmemez Paranormal Enterprises, a paranormal researching organization, causing The Corruption to promptly exile both gangs from the city and cause The Corruption and other asscoiated gangs to establish full control over the city, research on the event still ongoing, back to Gensokyan Talk Radio...

Nue: Man, everything said on this talk radio are bullshit, right? They even reported on me too.

Yakuza member: Yeah, I'd prefer Bunbunmaru better, but they don't have a talk radio since they ain't modern enough. What a shame.

'BACK ON THIS FUCKING SIDE...

Daiki: OK, we're at the train tracks now. Prepare to shoot.

Memez: Be sure to look out for other trains, shit might happen.

Daiki: OK, you stay alert of the delivery train. If they come, pop on it, everyone else will follow.

So, after driving on the tracks for some minutes, a Freight full of crates and people, some in purple and some in dark red came on the other track. Memez promptly shot a Neo-Nazi gangster on the train, causing him to fall off the train. The other gangsters noticed this and opened fire on the train, and the car that Nue was one ran over the fallen Neo-Nazi gangster, killing him.

Corruption gang member: Hey, who are those retards trying to fuck over our homeboys? Shoot them!

Daiki: EVERYONE SHOOT!

Memez, Katsu, Bonesy and Nue proceed to shoot at everyone on the train, destroying the drugs in the process. The gangsters somehow were able to talk to each other.

Bonesy: Holy fuck, they're delivering speed and kush?

Nue: I hope they don't get to anyone's nose.

Memez: Shit, if 5.0 sees this shit will get real down. Fortunately for them, they don't, lucky assholes.

Bonesy: That too.

Katsu: Boss, another train coming on our side!

Daiki: Fuck, everyone follow me!

Daiki and everyone else went off the tracks for a while as a Brown Streak passed by, causing them to lose sight of the Freight for a while.

Corruption gang member: Heh, those fuckers shouldn't get us now.

However, the three cars still kept up with the Freight, while everyone proceed to shoot on every gangsters on the train. This time, they got more accurate with the shooting, as a few gang members remain on the train.

Nue: Screw it, I'm going out to kill all of those fuckers.

Nue proceed to exit her car and tried to kill all of the gangsters striaght. However, it seems like she doesn't needed to tried at all, because somehow the gang members percieved her as a mud nymph and promptly jumped off the train in fear, living up to their own catchphrase.

Daiki: Holy shit, sixth kind right there. Great job.

Nue: Look, dude, it didn't even take a sweat.

Daiki: Well, you could call me sometimes, okay?

After everyone made sure there are no more gangsters on the train, they decided to destroy all the remaining drugs on the train. However, Katsu pulled a Molotov Cocktail out of his fucking ass and proceed to throw it on the drugs on the train, burning all of them.

Memez: Holy shit, where'd you got this?

Katsu: Stole them from some shitty Japanese antique store up in Japantown in Trollpastos, knew they would've been useful.

Daiki: OK, you guys did pretty good. Let's head back to our trailer.

Bonesy: Okay, let's fucking go, this is enough business.

After this, they headed back to the Yakuza Trailer in a short time. After this, everyone quitted the rides except for the two other Yakuza gangsters, with Memez thanking them for the ride. After this, Daiki proceed to give Memez a cut of $1000.

Daiki: My boy, here's your cut. I think we're going to do real good business.

Memez: Yeah, call me when you're on. Erase the shitty past, make our future real good business.

Daiki: OK, see you.

Daiki and Katsu proceed to enter their trailer.

Bonesy: So what you're going to do with that cash, buy some antique swords?

Memez: I don't know, I'm gonna buy new threads up at Zip.

Nue: Zip? Goddamn it, they're notorious for selling khakis. I guess no one wanted no fuss about it, through.

They proceed in their Oceanic and headed back to their tower, everyone arguing which radio station they should choose, but somehow decided to end up with MLG Radio, something that they least wanted to hear right now.

Memez: You know, after The Corruption fucked the hood up, this genre goes real shit. It used to be good back there, you know.

Bonesy: It was inevitable, however. Reality is indeed a fuckface.

After they are at the GPE tower, they exited the car and walked into the tower to find Patrix90, completely high on vaporwave (somehow) on the floor.

Patrix90: ﻿ＭＡＮ．．．  Ｉ  ＦＵＣＫＩＮＧ  ＬＯＶＥ  ＶＡＰＯＲＷＡＶＥ．．．

Memez: Hey, dude. Get your ass up, I have to report to you about some shit.

Patrix90: ﻿ＡＬＲＩＧＨＴ．．．  Ｉ＇ＬＬ  ＳＥＥ  ＹＯＵ  ＩＮ  ＴＨＥ  ＲＯＯＭ．．．

Memez: Meh, whatever.

Bonesy and Nue proceed to quit to their separate quarters, while Memez decided to just walk along, waiting for some shit to happen. Shortly after, he got a phone call from another unknown number.

Memez: Well, shit.

This is part of the Grand Theft Auto: Wikiverse

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