GTA: Wikiverse, No. 6 - Are You Going To San Estrellas?

(Notes: Prepare for more action.)

CONTINUING FROM WHERE NO. 5 LEFT OFF...

Memez: Wait, that is his name?

Daiki: Yeah, we use that Western name for gang leaders, because I see why not.

Angry: Isn't that the guys who flipped up our business? I must get revenge on them!

Memez: Yeah, and now they're going to flip us up too, so we better beware 'round here.

Bonesy: Well dude, they're coming towards us. We must fucking do something.

Midna: So our real enemies are here?

[Ridiculously catchy music plays]

Sanguinem: PFFFFTAHAHAHAH, SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

The crews saw the assholes' motorcycles came in, and The Corruption members, or rather his MANSERVANT CULTISTS were scary as fuck. Sanguinem looked like some kind of a drunk motherfucker on steroids with purple scleras and red eyes, wearing a wife beater and a dark purple trucker cap with the Greek flag on it. Then, his bitch followed in. The other Corruption member looked like some kind of Eastern girl with dark purple hair with blood splattered on her everywhere, and there are also tattoos on her, including yin-yangs with eyes on place of the circles inside, and "nobody cares." The other motorcycle had SC on it, who if you looked at long enough has an uncanny resemblance to Joseph Stalin, as well as his assistant Vyacheslav.

SC: Wow, all of the three miserable little gangs are here, aren't they?

Vyacheslav: Yeah, let me see. There's the Yakuza, the Enterprises and the CMCI, they're all here.

Patrix90: God fucking damn it, this gang has completely lost the plot.

SC: HI, BONESY, WE MEET AGAIN!

Memez: Hey, isn't that motherfucker that guy who fucked you up while we were in LT?

Bonesy: Yeah, he is. Previously I honestly thought that he was the leader of this entire bullshit.

Patrix90: Fuckin' commies mate.

Daiki: That girl looks pretty familiar but I can't seem to get a finger on it...

Ryujo: HAHAHAHA, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR GANG, ANI, NOW IT'S JUST ME AND YOU!

Kogasa: Hey, dude, is that your sister? She seems... lunatic.

Daiki: I'm not sure, I might be mistaken.

Memez: So anyways seriously what the fuck are you assholes trying to do?

Sanguinem: Well, guess what you fucking autist? You troublemakers can't overthrow our asses, our cul- I MEAN organization will lead to a better future for this shitty cringeworthy city. Take absolutely nothing whatever seriously, AT ALL. This is Trollpastos, pure and new.

Nue: But you can't take it easy!

Patrix90: Yeah, your bullshit-ass purge is false just like what Memez said.

Angry: OK, we get our weapons ready. This is war.

SC: Shut the fuck up. Now when will we fight?

Memez: K then let's fight.

And so, the crews actually pulled out their signature weapons for the second fucking time. Memez brought out his enchanted Staff of Sanity and probably the SMGs, Squigly throwing up a mysterious, white bonewhip, and Bonesy pulled up the Bass Cannon, while Patrix90 loaded his Vaporwave Glock (not Pistol anymore because fuck it), as Nue bringed in her trident and probably her spell cards, and Midna held up her Twilight Mirror. The Corruption and the Khuligans responded to this by pulling out AK-47s and Pump-Action Shotguns, respectively. The Yakuza members then also pulled out their weapons, Daiki and Katsu holding red and blue katanas respectively, while Kogasa loaded her two SMGs, and Asuka pulled out her two wakizashi on the ready. However, the CMCI had equally powerful weapons. Angry had a Minecraft Bow with Arrows tipped with Potions of Harming and an Enchanted Diamond Sword, while Withersoul put the Vacuum Helmet on his head, then Ninja brings in a bag full of shurikens, while Redwars pulled out two Carbine Rifles. With all of those weapons, they proceed to FIGHT. While exchanging insults with each other in various accents and languages in the progress.

Bonesy: STICK THIS UP YER ASS!

Sanguinem: FUCK AMERICUNTS!

SC: YEAH, MOTHER RUSSIA!

Vyacheslav: Уместно сказать, что?

SC: YOU FUCKING RETARD, WE HAVE COMPLETE POWER OVER THOSE DUMB FUCKS!

Patrix90: DON'T CALL ME A CHAV, YOU COMMUNIST TWATS.

Daiki: Dono yo ni muimi. Kuni ni tsuite giron?

Kogasa: Watashi no kunide mo ko no yode wa arimasen.

Memez: INMORIOR, STULTI!

Nue: Et in stulti transcendit!

Angry: Etiam loqueris?

Memez: Etiam!

Patrix90: COME COME FUCK APART IN HERE!

Asuka: Watashi no pantsu o hipparimasu!

Ryujo: Dare mo kinishinai!

Midna: ONFR FVKGL SBHE

Bonesy: Wait, what the fuck are yer guys even talking in?

Patrix90: I have no idea, mate, we dealin' with tossers.

Memez: นั้นก็พูดไทยไปเลย ไอ้ควาย อีพวกมึงตายกันได้แล้ว

Bonesy: Holy shit I have no fucking idea what you just said.

SC: ОК, серьезно вы все идут трахать себя.

Vyacheslav: как они поймут?

Sanguinem: Wait, why the fuck are we even insulting each other in different languages in the first place?

Bonesy: None of yer business.

Patrix90: Probably because it makes it cool or some shit.

After some time fighting and shooting at each other in the middle of a fucking intersection, Angry decided to fake calling out anti-matter nukes on the location. Everyone promptly freaked out for no fucking reason and went out into their own vehicles, but not before the CMCI crew did as well. The Corruption and Khuligan members started attempting escape while Ryujo and SC brought out the SMGs on their motorcycles and started attempting shooting on the other crews. The other crews followed suit, The GPE, Yakuza and CMCI in their Rancher, Yakuza Stinger and Perennial respectively. Everyone in the GPE tuned the goddamn radio to Infernus Records then brought in the goddamn SMGs from their car as well and started shooting shit, as did the Yakuza. The CMCI, however, proceed to drive away from the Merrimore Intersection instead, leaving the GPE and the Yakuza to deal with the bikes of The Corruption and the Khuligans themselves. So, the GPE started to shoot on The Corruption's bike while the Yakuza started to shoot on the Khuligans' bike. However, there was one small problem...

(No shit Patrix90, not that "there were over nine hundred Corruption members who were all gay coming on bikes" joke. Again.)

Memez: Shit, guys, they started to call for backup!

Bonesy: Well, hit the fucking gas. We're going to smoke these fuckers. By the way, this trip will be pretty... rough.

Midna: I understand.

Memez: Patrix90 go drive, I and Squigly will take care of these other fuckers. Bonesy and Nue's going to take care of the bikes.

Squigly: Will I even get a line lol.

Patrix90: K, mate, here I go.

Nue: OK. Waste any motherfucker that follows us!

Memez: I'm trying, but goddamn it there's shitloads of them.

Patrix90: Shit, man, look at all this traffic. GET OUTTA THE WAY! I'm comin' through!

Bonesy: Aww, the Khuligans and the Yakuza are going the other fucking way. We're dealing with those little shits ourselves.

Memez: We're going to care about them much later, 'cause we got bikes on our six - smash it dude!

Patrix90: Hold on tight, mate!

Bonesy: Dammit, those bikes are tough as heck, and I don't fucking know why.

Nue: Oh look, these cats is organized man. They're not gonna die easily.

Patrix90: I can see 5.0 are starting to join in the commotion.

Memez: Well shit. We still gonna chase those fools, man.

Patrix90: Hold on though, I got an idea.

Nue: Wait, what?

Bonesy: Don't tell me we're going through that fucking train tunnel.

Patrix90: It'll take a bit, guys!

Memez: Fuck it, dude, I can see nothing!

Midna: I'll say, this environment is strangely familiar to me.

Bonesy: But I can see a train! I think they're going to crash on the- Wait what the fuck did it JUST DISAPPEARED.

Patrix90: Dodgy.

Nue: As.

Memez: Fuck.

Midna: Does your organization experience this a daily basis?

Memez: Yeah, aside from this gang violence bullshit too.

Bonesy: So we'll have to continue shooting on those fuckers.

Patrix90: Man, stop being so negative! Focus on the good news!

Bonesy: Such as?

Patrix90: We ain't dead, and your trigger finger still works, fool! I think the gearbox is screwed up on this thing! I can't get no speed!

Bonesy: Yeah, who negative now lad?

Patrix90: Sod it. I'll keep my mouth shut from now on. Watch out backs!

Memez: Fucking shit, they're coming out from everywhere!

Nue: At least this was less intense than my danmaku fights so far...

Squigly: That was complicated shit, my fights are pretty intense mate.

Patrix90: Wow, when will we ever stop taking the piss on those fuckers?

Memez: No end, dude. They get the taunts they deserved.

Bonesy: Shit, guys, we comin' towards a barricaded bridge!

Patrix90: Fuck it, I'm taking the scenic route out.

[Insert some epic footage of the Rancher jumping off a barricaded bridge, while the bikes of the fuckers' promptly blow the fuck up in the progress]

Nue: Holy fuck, that was epic man.

Patrix90: Yeah, it sure is- Wait shit, this time they comin' from a fucking bus!

Bonesy: Are you fucking serious? They had a lot of gangsters in it too.

Memez: OK shit, I'm gonna try to shoot as many assholes as I can!

Midna: Wait, don't blow up the bus, I've got a better idea.

Memez: OK, but hell there's two 5.0 bikes flanking the bus as well.

Squigly: I'm gonna shoot them, bro. You can shoot on the bus.

Bonesy: Wow, don't these cuntrags ever give up?

Nue: Yeah, they got away from crimes pretty easily, don't even compare 'Sokyo logic.

Memez: So wait what the fuck is even going on here anymore?

Squigly: OK, almost all of the fuckers in the bus are dead.

Midna: Get us close to the bus, we're poppin'!

Bonesy: So that's your idea?

Midna: Yes, we haven't got much time.

Patrix90: Alright, fuck it I'll do it anyway.

Memez: So what'll you do- holy fuck.

Midna promptly jumped out of the GPE Rancher and proceed to fucking carjack the bus on the side of the Rancher, then drove it so quick it promptly crashed the bikes of the Corruption members, causing them to bail the fuck off. However, as it turns out, they were approaching the Purple County Inlet, which separates North Purple County and South Purple County, causing all of them to fall into the water below, however the vehicles are somehow still floating, mostly because of GTA logic.

Memez: Well, that was pretty fucking amazing but... SOMEONE, HELP ME PLS, I'M SHIT AT SWIMMING!

Nue: OK, here, I'm bringing you back to the car.

Memez: Goddamn it bitch, don't knock my head on this car, alright?

Nue: Sry, I'm not used to human logic.

Bonesy: Shit, I can say that you got them pretty crazy talents.

Midna: To be honest I don't even know how automobiles really function.

Patrix90: So, let's fucking discuss about the situation. We're stuck in a river and those Corruption fuckheads are on the other side trying to get to our asses, what should we do?

Memez: Dude, get your helicopter in, we're in for more action.

Patrix90: But how the fuck can I cross this river, up to the surface, and then run all the way to your tower while trying to deactivate its barrier, then run the hell up here to get my helicopter and then fly all the way here?

Memez: Easy, use the powers of GTA logic, that's what.

Patrix90: K. BRB.

Patrix90 proceed to, somehow, swim through the inlet and then jumped on the embankment in front of him and ran off into the distance. He then returned with his GPE Maverick in EXACTLY 13 seconds.

Bonesy: Too fast.

Memez: Quick as shit.

Nue: Supernatural as fuck.

Midna: Abnormal.

Patrix90: BECAUSE I'M ONE MYSTERIOUS CHEEKY MOTHERFUCKER! GUYS, GRAB THE ROPE!

Memez: Well fuck I can see an EC-444 in the distance, and I think it's going to grab those Corruption motherfuckers up. (In case you STILL suck at understanding acronyms even after reading Adventures, it's Existential Crisis 444)

Squigly: Well, we're whirlin' outta here quickly!

After some fucking time, all of the gangsters went into the GPE Maverick, however by the time they all went in all of the antagonists went into the EC-444 as well, prompting some... kind of aerial drive-by. However, shortly after Memez promptly got another goddamn phone call from Jack, so he had to answer it while having all of the other gangsters shooting on the EC-444.

Memez: Hey, what is it? Shit's going on here bro.

Jack: Dude, since we're fucked off from LT, I bought a bar in SE, we're going to use it as our new base of operation.

Memez: OK, man, we're gonna discuss about shit later then.

Jack: One little note, this bar formerly belongs to some spooky biker club occupied by skeletons. I've also heard rumors there's also a biker gang around SE, so watch yourself out here when you're 'round there.

Memez: Right, I got your message. See ya.

Jack: You bet my ass I do. *hangs up*

Memez: OK, Patrix90, head over to San Estrellas!

Patrix90: Why the fuck should I head over to San Estrellas? (lol)

Memez: Because why the fuck not?

Patrix90: OK, I'm going to do it anyway.

Nue: Damn, their plane is pretty tough.

Bonesy: And I can see 5.0 Mavericks are starting to follow us as well, we better fucking beware.

Memez: Are those dicks following us to no end? Open fire!

Patrix90: Man, we're over SE right now, I bet that the people below caught flies in front of us.

Memez: Well honestly I don't really care what's happening below there, let people do their jobs for their own asses. Like me, you know, lol.

Patrix90: Oh, and where should I land anyway? There's no fucking helipads nearby anyway.

Bonesy: IDK bro, probably just search around here or some-

Squigly: Crap, they shot down our back rotor, look for the parachutes, guys.

Nue: Well I can see that the EC-444 is starting to smoke up too.

Memez: Shit, guys, it's pretty... unstable round here.

Patrix90: Well fuck, we're going down! Guys, get the parachutes immediately!

So, after the Police Mavericks and the EC-444 managed to shoot the GPE Maverick down, everyone starts looking for the fucking parachutes. However, as it turns out, Patrix90 had apparently locked them in a metal box with three locks that is situated behind the helicopter, causing everyone to frustratingly start attempting to throw out keys. They later found about six keychains, each with about twelve keys on them (they had a LOT of paranormal shit to lock, BTW), and then the crew proceed to frustratingly attempt to find out the right keys to all of the three locks, which took out a lot of time, they then finally unlocked the locks but however the opening of the box was stuck so that everyone had to pull it, and the box opened to reveal an amazingly huge supply of parachutes stuck inside the box, however the crew had to pull the parachutes that are stuck inside each other out of each other and then waste time trying to attach it on their backs. Everyone jumped out of the helicopter, however by the time they jumped out of the helicopter, the helicopter was already about four yards above the road on the ground, making this whole fucking paragraph completely pointless, other than the fact that everyone got covered by the parachutes' cloth after landing, while some managed to didn't activate it fast enough and instead got hurt on the ground, while causing a traffic jam in the progress.

Memez: Patrix90, you CRUEL motherfucker!

Patrix90: I had to be mysterious, otherwise if those federal motherfuckers steal those keys they would know what we keep! Aren't we unofficial?

Nue: GUYS, WHAT'S FUCKING GOING ON?!?!

Squigly: Nice pantyhose tho.

Bonesy: Also, where the hell are those Corruption mind fuckers?

Midna: As all I know, they're probably in some other location by now. Let's focus to the more important matter, which is...

Memez: ...escaping from the 5.0 which has been chasing us.

[Cue sirens]

Patrix90: Fuck. And what about...

[Explosion noise]

Patrix90: NOOOOOOOO, MY HELICOPTER!!!!!!!!

Memez: We shouldn't worry then, because you're still being the humor guy.

Jack: GEEEEEEEET NOSCOPED, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Bonesy: Wait, what?

Jack drove through the road on a large, green Stretch which apparently has lots of Montage Parodies stuff printed on it which I have really no reason to describe because this is GTA:W, not The Adventures anymore, and because I'm not interested in that subject for that matter.

Jack: QUICK, M8S, GET IN!

Bonesy: You're still back?

Jack: Yeah, Snoop said that we're forming a big collective, really big, m8s.

Patrix90: No shit, how did your god know about all this?

Jack: Prediction bullshit?

Memez: Yeah, once I was roaming in LT, there was this inverted shady paranormal motherfucker who looked like Kerbin, and he was predicting the dark-ass future of LT or some shit, and I believe that he possessed him just to attack Celtic. And then when...

Jack: Shit m80s, there's lot of police bikes on our tail. I'm gotta try and lose the heat.

Memez: ...Fucking reality. Why the serious fuck no one listens to my paranormal information?

Nue: I don't know, dude.

(#sadboys)

Anyways, they proceed to fucking escape from the police bikes that were chasing them, as Jack attempted to head for the nearest spray shop. However, for some weird reason, Patrix90 started to play with Nue's tights that formed from the cloth of her parachute (lol), while Bonesy pulled out some random homemade swords on the side of the car and started inspecting them. Memez then tried to push Squigly on Patrix90 while he started to, for some fucking reason, uncontrollably lick Nue's ass.

Nue: *awestruck as fuck*

Patrix90: Shawty Im'ma do things that you ain't never did, emotional boys we in the UFO-

Memez: Fucking stop it dude, I've got another shawty here.

Patrix90: Dude, your bitch had the best tights ever, I'd snog with it all day.

Jack: When will you guys stop messing up my car? Those fuckers are still chasing us-

As it turns out, the police bikers that were observing the commotion that is going inside the car somehow promptly crashed themselves on random surprisingly resistant telephone poles for no fucking reason whatsoever, the telephone poles not even budging in any slightest because of GTA logic.

Jack: ...How the actual is this even possible?

Bonesy: Wow, they're so offended by this shit they had to crash their bikes on telephone poles, really?

Memez: No shit Patrix you just made us lose the heat.

Nue: Aww, that's why your dude's cool.

Bonesy: Also why am I growing an interest in weaponsmithing lol.

Memez: IDK, but stepping aside, where even are we right now? And where's the bar that we're going to?

Jack: Well, we're in Southern San Estrellas, it'll take a few minutes to go to the bar.

So, after some fucking time, they finally got to the bar, so Jack parked his car besides the bar and the crew went out of the car. They later entered the bar.

Bonesy: Man, this place looks pretty good for business you know.

Jack: Well, apparently they previously had an extremely good Wi-Fi in here, we might be able to set it up.

After Jack showed the crew a bit around, while Nue decided to think it would be a good idea to take off her tights and gave it to Memez because why the fuck not, Memez started elaborating about the current situation.

Memez: So, OK, guys, let's talk about the situation. After we're exiled from Los Trollpastos because The Corruption broke our goddamn mysterious cover and discovered that we're going against those fuckheads (even through they will probably forget about us in a few minutes after that), and the fact that they're stupid beyond our belief to don't know that we're also doing this for other people who got victimized by these stupid mind fuckers, how will we do the rebellion on them?

Patrix90: IDK, let's discuss those little fucks in the conference room.

So, obviously, they proceed to enter the conference room. What else can I fucking describe?

Memez: So, do we have any extensive information on those dumb mind fuckers?

Bonesy: Other than that all I know is that they ruined most just of our businesses over in LT, no.

Patrix90: Nope, but you were right actually. They fuck, kill, steal and shit without any logical reason. (even through we do the same, but with reason, and also for justice. Oh fuck you Corruption assholes)

Nue: They once attempted to spank me while I was attempting to buy some shampoo even through I was disguised, whatever it is.

Jack: They banned me from their circle without reason, that's why I'm here.

Memez: Yeah. They're indeed nebulous shitheads. However, I've remembered like a lot of things about them.

Bonesy: OK, describe.

Memez: I've saw SC tricking Titan into believing that he broadcast, well, to put it, child porn and crime scene photos all over the goddamn system, and quite frankly enough he believed the goddamn, obvious lie. Remember that critic? He was a good dude before The Corruption fucked everything up, we even filmed an episode with each other in SDM.

Jack: No shit they're that brave to do it.

Midna: Well, the Khuligans Russian Mafia is notorious for their specialization on deceit and trickery.

Bonesy: That explains it anyways, since I've got fucked over by that piece of shit multiple times. Speaking about Titan through he's cool but he's probably in his own reviewing business isolated from LT.

Nue: They might have their own logic that's permanently imprinted into their minds, like us youkai basically. Any form of threatening is considered courteous to others, but it's pretty dumb actually considering that youkai logic didn't even went extreme to that factor.

Memez: Oh, and they apparently flipped up the entire goddamn LT community when it used to be good back there, and replaced it with an entire set of shitty, illogical rules that only abnormal fucks would comply to. They're kind of dumb to say, but I still can't believe their logic.

Patrix90: It's just like a future shock, mate. Except that it makes things more shitty.

Jack: Also, apparently 5.0 give zero fucks about The Corruption. That's where weirdness kicks in.

Bonesy: Plus, recently BT is gone from LT and IDK why, she was a good lassie too, even through she's crazy as fuck.

Patrix90: You mean British Telecommunications mate, they do internet.

Memez: Not like that you damn silly, she's BurningTorrent, and she's a part of the squad I was in too. shelikeshomosexualitythrough

Patrix90: Sry, it's a misunderstanding. She's kinda my friend I guess. (mostly because she's a Brit too. Yep, there's two Brits featured in the Wikiverse stories too, and I mentioned it for no reason. Fuuuuuuuuck, but because of fuck you.)

Memez: Back to the topic, they aren't exactly the dumb types either, but, like, smartass types. Once we attempted to get Drake into our league, he just refused but what's about to follow is our doom, really: It's an unsurprisingly pretty shitty stinger trap, because as soon as we left he reported out to their asshole leader to leak our plans, and BAM! Here goes our exile. And then they didn't quit their bullshit either and still sent out yet another goddamn stinger agent to leak the information of the rebellion, but fortunately this time it didn't work because we decided to take the smart way and hung up.

Jack: That too.

Bonesy: Probably ain't just them. Rule of the streets: don't snitch. Even in a place like this, there's really no law. Not like shit happens instantly anyways, it's like "step over the objective to catch me first!" or shit like that.

Patrix90: Well, those arses won't shut the fuck up won't they? That's the fun of their behavior.

Nue: Yep. Actually they don't fucking care about history, and everything is history to them, no matter how good it is, they just like their own excuse for a culture, hates anything not related. That's how their logic works, but since they're destructive even in our society we might need to exterminate their asses before the infection goes beyond the limit.

Jack: It has, and plus they had lots of gangs backing them up too, including but not limited to the Khuligans Mafia, Der Faschisten, the Social Justice Gangsters...

Kogasa: Or, more collectively referred to as the "Tenebris Cartel."

Everyone promptly got surprised.

Everyone else: The Tenebris Cartel?

This is part of the Grand Theft Auto: Wikiverse

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