GTA: Wikiverse, No. 2 - Purple Imports

(Notes: Features a "major" event. Prepare for controversy, motherfuckers. Also, HOORAY, MORE REFERENCES!!!)

MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE...

After that certain fucking event in which the major gangsters raid the jewelry store down, the cultists of the Corruption Cult decided to settle this up and discuss some stupid shit.

Unknown #1: So, OK, motherfuckers. I see that some of our most major faggots raided our front down and proceed to kill everyone inside, right?

Unknown #2: Yeah, so what, retard?

Unknown #1: You moron, they've just successfully FUCKED UP a front of ours. So, any of your busters know, what do?

Unknown #2: How the fuck am I supposed to know?

Unknown #3: Yeah, I have no goddamn idea.

Unknown #1: Whatever, motherfuckers. I'm the leader here, so surely enough I'm the fucking one who make desicions. What about, we engage a black ritual involving the corruption a friend of theirs who our little major cult claimed that he "sperged" after his places were put into flames in Operation 44 while they're completely unaware of it?

Unknown #3: Alright, good idea. Maybe bring in a few other new cultists in as well.

Unknown #1: OK. So, we will use him as a medium of their actions. When they do anything, then we can know.

Unknown #2: Yes, do that now. We'll observe this ritual midnight in Downtown, Los Trollpastos.

Unknown #1: Great. Tomorrow, bring in all... or most of the cultists and we will corrupt him, hard.

Unknown #3: ''Sic! Hoc ritu non cedet in prosperum! In Nebulosas ad vitam!''

Unknown #1: ''Sic, materfuckers! Victoriam in Corruptionem Cultus!''

Unknown #2: When did since we talk in broken Latin again?

Unknown #1: Fuck it, we're doing it tomorrow anyway.

(Insert that cult ritual scene here where a shitload of Corruption cultists, including major ones as well, harasses that certain ghetto buster in Downtown, Los Trollpastos, which purely consists of repeated verbal insults, kickings and whatever that comes to your mind about internet corruption at this point. Seriously, what do you expect more about a generic corruption ritual?)

After this, the victim is shown "cleansed" of his sins, still being reprimanded by the cultists. However, after some shit, he proceed to say "fuck it" and call it a day, before walking out of Downtown.

Corrupted victim: I am normal now, and now I see the truth...

(Droning noises are heard as red lights flickered by.)

Digitally-distorted female voice: Quid irrumabo...?

After the major gangsters raided the jewelry store, they are finally there at their (sort-of) hidden tower in the region of fucking El Conocimiento, located somewhere between Los Trollpastos and Purple County. After they're at the parking lot, everyone proceed to fucking step out of the car and close the door with the exact animation as in GTA: San Andreas.

Memez: Guys, don't follow my ass. Let's get the fuck in for the next mission.

Bonesy: Damn, dude, ya sure must be good with your bitches around like that.

Patrix90: Or, call it a day and listen to vaporwave instead.

Memez: Stay in the hood, then. We're doing business.

They proceed to walk in the tower, and chill the fuck out, with everyone doing their own stuff when Nue came over.

Nue: Hey, eses. ''Bonum labor de gemmae taberna incursio. Volumus ergo scis quidnam?''

Memez: Quid est?

Bonesy: Goddammit guys, made me wish I finished learning Latin.

Nue: OK, so, the Corruption idiots did another shitty ritual yesterday, nothing surprising. Might have interrupted it tho, but I assume we didn't have the time to intervene the goddamn gang rape after the jewelry store was raided. Lucky bastards.

Memez: Oh great, assholes gangbanging as usual, I see.

Nue: Plus, I've heard that the cholo motherfuckers are setting a crack deal with the Khuligans Mafia. The overseer has the initals "SC." Wanna check it out?

Patrix90: I have no fucking time.

Bonesy: Yeah, that douche seems suspicious.

Memez: We'll need some fucking backup.

Squigly: *nods*

Nue: Yeah, so, who we'll call in?

Bonesy: IDK, motherfuckers in Los Trollpastos these days have no class.

Memez proceed to get a phone call, and he proceed to answer it.

Memez: Goddammit, wait a bit. *answers* Oh, hello, who is it?

Jack: It's me, Jack. Remember that last adventure? Since we're finally done on defeating that certain sadistic queen, gang activity has been fucking rising m8, especially considering the concern of the crime lord rampaging over Los Trollpastos. Name's Lord Sanguinem, I think.

Memez: Wow, I see nothing changed. So, what will we do then?

Jack: Get allies to help with the case. I've managed to get contact with Droid, but I don't know if they will respond. You go contact Drake, he's somewhere in the Lincoln Woods housing project in Las Ficciones (AKA Bad Fanfiction). Might be able to help with the case.

Memez: Um, okay. Pick me up at El Conocimiento. I had other people doing business since then. *hangs up* Alright, we might get some dudes to help with the case. But I'll have to go with Jack to Las Ficciones, cannot help with you guys out there.

Bonesy: Great. Now I'll lead on disrupting the fucking deal. Damn communists fools.

Nue: And I'll go as well. I'm an action girl with class.

Squigly: So does that mean I don't need to go?

Nue: Nah. You're fine too.

Memez: Anyways, get set up. The rest of you homies go disrupt the deal, show them fools what's business. I'll go with Jack, see if we can get any allies.

Bonesy: Alright, I lead you lads to whatever place they're crack dealing.

Nue: You lead the group, I'll lead you guys to the location.

Memez: OK, now scram. I'm gonna wait for Jack, then at the worst possible opportunity, you homies fuck the deal up, hard. OK?

Bonesy: Alrighty.

Jack: OK. Dude, get up.

Memez: So, what's the deal?

Jack: Well, since I was rejected by those Corruption fucktards, I'd better not go with them. So, I plan to get rid of them. First, through, we'll find some allies to deal with this shit.

Memez: Oh, fool wanna join a shitty street gang that does nothing other than dope pushing all day. So, we'll fucking go with Drake?

Jack: Yeah. Why the fuck not?

Memez: Fine, get me to the place.

Memez proceed to enter Jack's Oceanic and drives over to Drake's apartment.

Jack: Again, it's in Las Ficciones.

Memez: I'm still wondering why I included that fucking dialogue.

Jack: Say what?

Memez: (suspiciously) Nothing. About time the topic got shit.

After some fucking time, they finally came over to the apartment block. They entered the apartment block.

Memez: Sure this is the fucking place. Get this business quick.

Jack: I don't even know which door is it m8.

Memez: I'm sure that is it, because my mind says so.

Jack: Whatever, if that's it then we'll risk with it. You go ask him.

Memez: Well, dammit. I'm gonna do it anyway. (knocks) Open up!

After a minute of waiting, the door finally opened up. The two were greeted by Drake, however, for some weird ass reason, he has a joint on his mouth. Plus, his eyes' sclera seem to have a slight tint of purple, while his pupils were red.

Drake: Who is it? Oh, you guys. The fuck you want?

Memez: So, okay. Thought you would join our gang?

Drake: Nah, motherfuckers. Not gonna get involved, this gang business is serious.

Memez: Wait, I thought you don't like those gang banging retards? What the fuck happened to for purity?

Jack: Yeah, tell him.

Drake: Know what? I don't need to get involved. Money is what all I need, especially after my friend Dark got exiled from this city, all over the way to San Estrellas. So, get the fuck out of here.

Memez: Hey, what the fu-

Drake promptly closes the door by somehow slamming it using his left toe, leaving Memez and Jack dumbfounded.

Memez: (shouting) OK, now I know, thanks for clarifying, fool! (normal) So, Jack, we can go with two. This wouldn't work.

Jack: Alright, let's check on your eses. Heard they were raiding some kind of crack deal with Russians, shit also goes pretty serious.

MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE...

Nue is flying over the sky, apparently appearing to public as an off-tint SWPD Maverick. Somehow she was able to send radio messages to Bonesy in the Nebula with Squigly, telling him where to go.

Bonesy: Who paid me to work with Memez's bitches?

Nue: Dude, drive over here. OK, turn left. Turn right over that one. OK, head to the junction. Go straight.

Bonesy: Ain't gonna give the name of the exact place?

Nue: Nah, just follow me. I promise I'll get you to the place.

After some hard time of driving, they finally went over to the ceramic factory in, apparently, Los Cacas (AKA Potty Humor). There were two Khuligans in front of the factory because of plot convenience. So, Nue proceed to float down, becoming recognizable again as she approached the two. The following scene is a reference to yet another scene in GTA: San Andreas, but why the fuck not?

Nue: OK, guys, stay in the car. I'm gonna deal with those fools.

Bonesy: Gal, I should've known.

Nue: Hey, excuse me, fools. Sum Nue Houjuu, ignotis prodigialis volantilis puella. And I want that ''vibratis. Intellegitis?''

Khuligan: Screw you, femineus canis.

Bonesy: Um, will I EVER understand any of this?

Nue: Now that ain't nice. Tussio in vibratis, before I kick you on the tits.

Khuligan: Futuo mater tua, stultus.

Bonesy: OK, fuck it. This went too far. Get that fool, Nue!

Nue: Yeah, yeah, I'll get that fool...

Nue proceed to float up again, then promptly bash a Khuligan with her trident on the skull, killing him instantly. Then, the another Khuligan attempts to escape when Squigly shoots him with her pistol.

Squigly: Forgot about me?

Bonesy: Question. If those Khuligans are Russian, then how the heck are they able to speak in Latin? Just curious.

Nue: Meh, they're dealing with The Corruption anyway, might have a secret historian or two to teach them shit.

Bonesy: Anyways, let's just get in and disrupt the deal, quickly.

However, a Khuligan-operated helicopter came in and spotted the corpses of the two Khuligans and the culprits. So, the entire deal was alerted. The Corruption gang members and Khuligans proceed to emerge out of the factory and the gangsters had to hide behind some boxes.

Bonesy: Shoot that heli down first, preferably on the opposite side of where those fools are located.

Nue: Great idea. Let's do that before they come in.

All three proceed to shoot at the helicopter repeatedly since at this moment they only had fucking pistols. When smoke comes out of the helicopter, Bonesy whips out his motherfucking Bass Cannon, sets it to "HIGH," and shoots the helicopter on it's left side, causing it to epicly blast. The burning wreck proceed to fall on the enemy gang members, burning and killing a couple of them.

Bonesy: Nice. It worked. Now let's kill all of the remaining assholes before they kill us.

Squigly: Obviously.

They proceed to get out of cover, and shoot every enemy gang member on sight. They all died shortly because they were idiots freaking out over the wreck of the helicopter. Surely, a shooting can't end with looting stuff, so the gangsters decided to loot the stuff that the enemies dropped. Except for the drugs, of course. They're too cool for that shit.

Bonesy: Holy shit, I found an AK-47. It has about six clips tho.

Nue: Hell, found nine grenades. Might be useful. We're going in.

Bonesy: OK, let's go in the factory, just to blast more fools.

So, they proceed to get in the factory. Since there were boxes around here and there, Nue proceed to throw some grenades, causing boxes to explode and gang members to flee. Another epic shoot-out ensues, as usual. However, this time it gets more easier since Bonesy already had an AK-47. However, shortly after all of the remaining gang members died, the back wall proceed to explode, for some weird fucking reason, and a T-69 (which is apparently a Russian tank, with a shitty purple paintjob plus sprayed over with The Corruption catchphrases in broken Russian also in all lowercase on it.) broke into the building, with two gunmen holding AKMs riding on it as if they're going to take a "super cool" groufie or some shit.

Nue: Holy shit, where did you get that toy from?

Vyacheslav: You call this little shit a toy? This is an ancient tank from the secret barracks of Maulle that she somehow never fucking used. Still works like new, and blow up retards like you effciently.

SC: Shut the fuck up. I'm going to deal with those fucktards myself.

Bonesy: Great, now we're dealing with stupid Russian gangsters.

SC: So, what do we have there today? A bone structure, a zombie homegirl, and- oh, hey, an alien gangster. Holy fuck, we got jackpot over there-

Vyacheslav: Umm, don't act like you got a motherfucking lottery. They're gangsters from the GPE, and this means they're dangerous as fuck. So, we should bewa-

SC: But, you idiot. I told you to shut the fuck up already. It's easy to get them, just-

Vyacheslav: Why wouldn't we just shoot them? Like, use the cannon, or our assult rifles or some shit?

SC: Because you were interrupting you retard. Look, they're gonna get away any sec-

However, it was too late, since somehow they already disappeared from the location. A primed grenade was, however, given as a sincere gift on front of the tank. It took about fucking seconds for them to realize that it was a, well, bomb.

Vyacheslav: HOLY FUCK! A GRENADE! RUN!

SC: I WAS DOING IT YOU DUMBASS!

They ran away from their tank, and an explosion shortly happened. Since the tank was an ancient one at that (which means that the physical qualities of it must be crappy since then), the explosion penetrated the shells of the tank, causing the tank to explode too. The entire building then proceed to crumble, then shortly shattering. The two, however, had to JUST barely survive from the explosion and the collapse of the building.

SC: ...Until next time Bonesy...

Bonesy: Holy fuck, the SWPD is on us.

Nue: So, what do we do then? Just wondering?

Bonesy: Take the cliche route. Drive away until we shake them off.

Six minutes later, after a shitty police chase through the city, an Oceanic appeared in the back of the chase, somehow causing the police cars to crash into bulidings, some falling into the Los Trollpastos Storm Drains, promptly exploding in the progress. After this, Memez popped his head out out of the car and shouted.

Memez: Guys, get over to the nearest Pink Gas spray shop immediately. We'll split and head over to the tower.

So, Bonesy decided to drive to the nearest Pink Gas spray shop, wherever the fuck it is avaliable. They proceed to get in, and the car proceed to get sprayed, and they proceed to get out. Wait, what the fuck did I just said? Memez proceed to lure the cops on him, as Jack proceed to shoot all of them down with a SMG, causing them to blow up. After this, they safely head back to the building after the fucking chase, but Jack had to repair the car since it was fucked up in the chase.

Memez: So, that's pretty much it. Right?

Jack: I have no idea, shit might happen.

After some time, Bonesy finally arrived, in a fucking pink car, with Nue sitting on top of it.

Memez: So, how was it?

Bonesy: Really fucking shit.

Nue: Basically, we raided this crack deal in the factory, and assholes came on a tank, so we blew them up and escaped with cops on pursuit. That's pretty much it. How about you?

Memez: Well, it doesn't really go well. Drake just kind of, like, ignored our business or some shit, not giving a shit about anything. So, OK. So, will we rest for the fucking day? It's been tiring lately.

Bonesy: Yeah, I mean, how the fuck we could raid a fucking crack deal in Los Cacas and survive like this? Let's fucking rest.

Jack: K. I gotta go, get any news for what's happening tomorrow.

Memez: OK. See ya.

SOME HOURS LATER

(Ringing noises)

Memez: Memez speaking. What is it?

Nue: Dude, apparently Drake just leaked the information about us to those Corruption motherfuckers.

Memez: Wait, what? That couldn't possibly be true.

Nue: Not pranking or anything. The Corruption is going to preform their coup on the city. Better hide now.

Memez: Well, just... Fuck. Wait, observe the city as long as possible, need to take information out of these assholes.

Nue: Understood.

Memez: Great. See you, I'm gonna contact Jack. (hangs up, only to contact Jack seconds later)

(Dialing noises)

Memez: Hey, Jack, shit's fucked up. Drake just snitched, apparently he's in The Corruption. Get the fuck out of the city immediately.

Jack: Alright, I've heard. Fuck it. I think I'm going away with you, shit's gonna get down.

Memez: Alright. Maybe probably set up a meeting, the assholes are gonna get us if we still stay.

Jack: Yeah, right.

Memez: So, if you can, head over to El Conocimiento. We're gonna do some business.

Jack: Alright.

Memez: (hangs up) What the fuck...?

MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER (ANOTHER) SIDE...

Two samurai motherfuckers are discussing over the matters of Los Trollpastos, all on a table with two chairs.

Unknown #1: What do you mean? The Corruption has overtook the entire fucking government? Really?

Unknown #2: Yes, Master. The LT Yakuza is no more.

Unknown #1: What the fuck? I mean, that god-forsaken gang is big already and we had the highest quality of weapons. They did that just to exile us into nowhere? Like, seriously.

Unknown #2: Because they're fools. They're fascist street trash.

Unknown #1: So, we either go to the fucking Purple County. Or... oh yeah, wait. The GPE!

Unknown #2: What? Planning a business or some shit?

Unknown #1: Exactly.

Unknown #2: But how the fuck will we approach them? I think they won't really trust us, considering the situation right now.

Unknown #1: Don't worry. I think they had some friends over there at our occult division, the Gensokyan Yakuza, and they can speak English just like us. Ask them out.

Unknown #2: Alright, but we consider that division do the business for them instead. Pretty risky to entirely follow them anyway.

Unknown #1: That's OK, but whatever. The next morning, inform the division of the operation, wait for the answer.

Unknown #2: Understood.

This is part of the Grand Theft Auto: Wikiverse

&lt; Previous Installment | Next Installment > undefined